Friendship Boundaries
As our children grow, so do their friendships. Over time, it’s normal for friends to experience conflicts - everybody does! In middle school particularly, many students begin to branch out and explore different interests, often resulting in new friendships. Students may experience a wide range of emotions as they begin to see their friendships shift - from excited to sad to hurt or nervous. As adults, we can talk to our children about these changes and provide support to them by listening, nonjudgmentally, to our children and reminding them that this is a normal, human experience.
Friendships are relationships that should make a person feel safe and respected, and oftentimes when students come to me about conflicts with their friends, we start by discussing what a boundary is. Boundaries are lines you shouldn’t cross. Sometimes in friendships, people make mistakes and they cross the line with a behavior that makes others feel disrespected. These are “friendship boundaries.” Friendship boundaries divide disrespectful or annoying behavior from respectful and fun behavior.
Below are a few friendship boundaries that can often be crossed:
Touch Boundary: Playful vs. Hurtful (playful touching like hair braiding with consent vs. pulling someone’s arm to drag them somewhere)
Joking Boundary: Funny vs. Mean (often times an attempt to be funny could ultimately lead to calling others names, or making mean statements to get a reaction from a friend)
Pride Boundary: Sharing being Proud vs. Bragging (when you’re proud of yourself, it’s normal that you want to tell your friends about it, but bragging makes others feel sad!)
Exclusion Boundary: BFFs vs. “No One Else” (a boundary is crossed when people get left out or tell others who they can or can’t hang out with)
Silly Boundary: Having Fun vs. Being Annoying (It’s fun to laugh with friends! Sometimes our friends get annoyed with us though, because we’ve either gone too far or it’s not the right time or place to be silly)
It’s important to recognize these boundaries so that when they are crossed, we can appropriately help our children try to resolve the conflict. Ask your child about their friendships as a way to make sure they are staying safe and respected!
